Sunday, January 18

death and taxes..

I should warn you, this post is less about taxes and more about death. I just didn't want to scare you off by posting something like "death and homebuying" or "how the death of my father made me want to buy a house". It just seemed too dark, and crass.

But, there is truth to it.

Daddy passed away the day after my 30th birthday. He was 65 and seemed to be on the upswing of recovering from 2 years of trials and illness. We had talked that evening and a few hours later, he was gone. It's been a little over six months since he died and I am just now able to really think about it. (I still can't really talk about it..hence the blogging!)

Side note: sorry if I sound like a pompous priss when I say hence. I can't help it, love that dang word.

Back to Dad.. and how he fits into the house picture. Adam and I had been talking for a while about looking for a bigger house, different place, etc.  I had even talked to Dad about it a few times..but the really serious discussions didn't happen until after Dad died.

First, the logical and technical reason - we inherited all of Daddy's tools. He was a mechanic and worked on Volkswagens so we have three or four giant toolboxes that we need to find a home for. Selling them was not an option. These were a symbol of his legacy and life.
Our current lot isn't really conducive to building a shop and our garage doesn't really have the space since we use it to store everything else that doesn't fit in the house.  We're hoping to find a new home with room for a workshop or a mini shop of sorts. Or at least with some storage room for sure.

Now to the intangibles...

My dad was a bit of a dreamer. He always had these grand ideas, or plans, or even schemes. He always thought the impossible was possible if you tried hard enough to find a way, or if you were simply tenacious enough to make a way for it to happen.

Dad also loved home and the concept of it. A few years ago, he had to move from his home into a rental. I think that was the most challenging thing he faced in his life. And he faced a lot of situations that would have killed a weaker, or lesser, man.

And finally, Dad loved me. We were very close. For much of my life, it was the two of us. After my parents divorced, neither remarried (though Dad did get close..thankfully he figured that one out quick!) We were a small family, and I loved him so dearly.

I am so lucky that Daddy was able to see so many parts of my life and the beginning of my journey with Adam (the Man). He saw me graduate college and start to survive as a stubbornly independent woman. A few years later, he saw me meet a man who would change my outlook on life and was surprised when he actually liked him. Dad was able to trust that Adam would take care of me and saw times when Adam did, despite my stubbornness.

Dad saw us buy the first nest, laughed as we cussed over renovations, helped when we'd let him, and loved us and our home. Dad's death could have easily stopped me mentally and emotionally from following through with our dreams, but if anything...I think it propelled us forward. Daddy was the dreamer and I had always been the safe, responsible one. I didn't take risks and could easily stagnate.
Instead, I'm embracing the dreamer. We are reaching out of our comfort zone and taking a few chances in hopes that the end result will be  building or buying the home of our dreams, that we always wanted - but never quite thought possible.

It's, I'll be honest, it is heartbreakingly hard to think that Dad hasn't been here through this process with us. To know he won't walk through our home once it's built, or ponder floor plans, or debate the pros and cons of different choices with us. I didn't think it would be such a challenge to do this without him. To go through this experience without sharing the ups and downs with him, without having him to call after Adam and I get good news, or bad news, or both. But then I think (and cry) and realize that life does go on. And that we deserve happiness, and that Daddy would be so mad at us if we let ANYthing, especially his death, stop us from the relentless pursuit of our dreams and goals.

Though Daddy won't be here to see it, or guide us through the process with his ever present suggestions of " you know what you should do.. ", I feel like he would be so proud that we took the leap and put in the hard work to make it happen. I feel like he would be happy to see us move into a place that we could once again transform into a home. I feel like he would be honored by the way we want to incorporate his life and treasures into our home, and I know he would love seeing his little girl's dreams come true once again.

So there you have a bunch of  tool boxes and the loss of the first man I ever loved led to this crazy journey of selling the nest and searching for our new home.  I hope we do him justice, even if it's not in the boonies. <3

1 comment:

Eric Browne said...

I love this...and I love you! Makes me want to start collecting straws for new nest of my own.